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Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to
a woman named Elaine.
He asks her out to a movie; she accepts;
they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out
to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see
each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is
seeing anybody else.
And then, one evening when they're driving
home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking,
she says it aloud: ''Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've
been seeing each other for exactly six months?''
And then there is silence in the car. To
Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to
herself: Gee, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe
he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks
I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he
doesn't want, or isn't sure of.
And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.
And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not
so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I
wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about
whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving
steadily toward . . . I mean, where are we going? Are we just
going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are
we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime
together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really
even know this person?
And Roger is thinking: . . . so that means
it was . . . let's see. ... February when we started going out,
which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means
. . . lemme check the odometer . . . Whoa! I am way overdue for
an oil change here.
And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can
see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong.
Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more
commitment; maybe he has sensed -- even before I sensed it --
that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it.
That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own
feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.
And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have
them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those
morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not
try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold
weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a
garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.
And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I
don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting
him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not
sure.
And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say
it's only a 90-day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna
say, the rats.
And Elaine is thinking: maybe I'm just too
idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white
horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a
person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a
person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain
because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.
And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want
a warranty? I'll give them a warranty. I'll take their warranty
and stick it right up their....
''Roger,'' Elaine says aloud.
''What?'' says Roger, startled.
''Please don't torture yourself like
this,'' she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. ''Maybe
I should never have . . . I feel so. . ." (She breaks
down, sobbing.)
''What?'' says Roger.
''I'm such a fool,'' Elaine sobs. ''I mean,
I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly.
There's no knight, and there's no horse.''
''There's no horse?'' says Roger.
''You think I'm a fool, don't you?'' Elaine
says.
''No!'' says Roger, glad to finally know
the correct answer.
''It's just that . . . It's that I .
. . I need some time,'' Elaine says.
(There is a 15-second pause while Roger,
thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe
response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might
work.) ''Yes,'' he says.
(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.)
''Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?'' she says.
''What way?'' says Roger.
''That way about time,'' says Elaine.
''Oh,'' says Roger. ''Yes.''
(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply
into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she
might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she
speaks.) ''Thank you, Roger,'' she says.
''Thank you,'' says Roger.
Then he takes her home, and she lies on her
bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas
when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos,
turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a
rerun of a tennis match between two Czechs he never heard of. A
tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that
something major was going on back there in the car, but he is
pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and
so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it. (This is
also Roger's policy regarding world hunger.)
The next day Elaine will call her closest
friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this
situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they
will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going
over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression,
and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible
ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off
and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite
conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.
Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball
one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause
just before serving, frown, and say: ''Norm, did Elaine ever own
a horse?''
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