On Being a Fixer/Helper

By nature, I am a fixer or helper. I am solution-oriented, so when I hear a problem, my mind starts brainstorming ways to solve it, and I genuinely want to help people.

I grew up literally next door to my grandparents, some aunts, uncles, and cousins. My grandparents were also fixers/helpers. In fact, my grandmother was an RN for 20 years followed by another 20 as a counselor for HRS, investigating cases for abused or neglected children.

I can’t tell you how many times we had folks temporarily living with us over the years. Sometimes it was a child that was being sent to foster care, and needed a place for a night or two. Sometimes it was an adult who was down on their luck and stayed in one of our houses for a year or so. Many of them became part of our extended family.

Part of the reason I work in IT is that I like to fix things and help people. It makes me happy to make other people happy or to make their lives or even just their day easier/better/etc.

But sometimes trying to fix something isn’t the best course of action. Sometimes people just need a friend. Or they need to solve it themselves. Or trying to help just adds stress to their situation. Sometimes trying to help comes across as overbearing or worse.

One of the hardest things for me to do is nothing, but I am working on it. So if you need my shoulder or ear and I try to offer advice you aren’t looking for, it’s OK to let me know you just need someone to listen. If I overstep and try to help you fix something, you can tell me to stop and I won’t be mad or resentful. I’m more likely to become upset with myself for making you feel bad or causing your more stress. Please know that my efforts are always born of a genuine desire to help, and I never want to make anyone feel bad through those efforts.